No Boy Joy
“You got your girl!”
People I am very close to- my friends, family, and co-workers- almost all of them exclaimed, "You got your girl!" It comes from the most sincere, excited place and I loved everyone's enthusiasm. Admittedly, this girl excitement was all my fault. I had always pictured myself having a little girl because I didn’t know what to do with a little boy. I didn't know anything about playing with trucks or superheroes. I was one of four GIRLS. I grew up obsessed with The Little Mermaid, My Little Pony, and putting on my mother's make up. I went to an all GIRLS high school. I have had all GIRL friends and still don't know how to talk to the opposite sex well. I’m just a GIRL kind of woman, I told myself. So naturally, I felt like I should have a girl.
I knew I wanted a big(ish) family, so I didn’t really worry too much about the gender of my children. However, I was fairly certain that I didn’t want more than three kids. Have you ever seen my stomach? Most likely, no, because I hide it from the world, too self conscious to reveal my crinkly stomach skin which made its home on my belly after my watermelon of a stomach deflated, now three times. So, when I found out my second baby was going to be a boy (Everett), I started to get nervous that I was going to have all boys and miss my chance at mothering a girl. I mean, I can't just continue to get pregnant indefinitely just to have a girl! I thought. How much can my body take? How many can we afford? I was completely loca about the whole thing.
Ok. This is what I'm getting at.
I want the world to know- My boys are AMAZING! They are hilarious and cuddly and kind and deep. They are the REASON I decided to have a third baby. They make my world spin. They made me love motherhood.
Why did I want a girl so badly? Mostly it's as simple as my picturing myself having a girl and experiencing that special mother-daughter bond. The pedicures, lunch dates, dress shopping, and phone conversations. The possibility that she will call me her best friend. I don't know about you, but I know a lot of husbands kind of "leave" their moms for their new wife and kids, but for one reason or another, a lot of women remain in very close contact with their moms.
I don’t really know. All of my delusions lead me to thinking I needed a GIRL.
But now, when people say “You got your girl,” it just doesn't feel the same as when I first opened that gender reveal envelope. I know it is always said with the kindest of intentions, but when I think about it, it implies that I was maybe not satisfied with my boys, which couldn’t be further from the truth! My girl AND my boys are my heartbeat.
Having boys is not what I expected. I don’t know what I expected, but it’s better. Being the mother of boys is a beautiful and perfect and fulfilling and overwhelming love. And having a little girl is amazing too! It’s all just different and wonderful.
Now, when people tell me "You got your girl!" I choose to hear "Congrats on your new baby girl!"
To be transparent, I did pray for a girl. Every night. And I think it was meant to be, written-in-the stars for me. But, I also thank God every day for my BOYS and their boy love.
To end my rant, I wanted to say that I realize that I really must not have expressed enough BOY joy before having Kennedy and I have a lot of guilt and regret about that. I want to shout it from the roof tops- I LOVE having my boys and my girl! And God certainly knew what He was doing because my cup overflows.
Signing out,
Jen
People I am very close to- my friends, family, and co-workers- almost all of them exclaimed, "You got your girl!" It comes from the most sincere, excited place and I loved everyone's enthusiasm. Admittedly, this girl excitement was all my fault. I had always pictured myself having a little girl because I didn’t know what to do with a little boy. I didn't know anything about playing with trucks or superheroes. I was one of four GIRLS. I grew up obsessed with The Little Mermaid, My Little Pony, and putting on my mother's make up. I went to an all GIRLS high school. I have had all GIRL friends and still don't know how to talk to the opposite sex well. I’m just a GIRL kind of woman, I told myself. So naturally, I felt like I should have a girl.
 |
| Hello there, Kennedy. |
 |
| My sweet baby girl |
I knew I wanted a big(ish) family, so I didn’t really worry too much about the gender of my children. However, I was fairly certain that I didn’t want more than three kids. Have you ever seen my stomach? Most likely, no, because I hide it from the world, too self conscious to reveal my crinkly stomach skin which made its home on my belly after my watermelon of a stomach deflated, now three times. So, when I found out my second baby was going to be a boy (Everett), I started to get nervous that I was going to have all boys and miss my chance at mothering a girl. I mean, I can't just continue to get pregnant indefinitely just to have a girl! I thought. How much can my body take? How many can we afford? I was completely loca about the whole thing.
Ok. This is what I'm getting at.
I want the world to know- My boys are AMAZING! They are hilarious and cuddly and kind and deep. They are the REASON I decided to have a third baby. They make my world spin. They made me love motherhood.
 |
| Maddox (5) |
 |
| Far left- Everett (3) |
Yes, I was happy (very happy) I was having a girl. I was a giddy, crazy creature the day I found out. We opened up the gender reveal envelope as a family and I believe my exact words were: "Hallelujah! Praise God! It's a GIRL!" all in a very ugly face cry. Maddox exclaimed, "And Daddy didn't even pray for a girl!"
Why did I want a girl so badly? Mostly it's as simple as my picturing myself having a girl and experiencing that special mother-daughter bond. The pedicures, lunch dates, dress shopping, and phone conversations. The possibility that she will call me her best friend. I don't know about you, but I know a lot of husbands kind of "leave" their moms for their new wife and kids, but for one reason or another, a lot of women remain in very close contact with their moms.
I don’t really know. All of my delusions lead me to thinking I needed a GIRL.
But now, when people say “You got your girl,” it just doesn't feel the same as when I first opened that gender reveal envelope. I know it is always said with the kindest of intentions, but when I think about it, it implies that I was maybe not satisfied with my boys, which couldn’t be further from the truth! My girl AND my boys are my heartbeat.
Having boys is not what I expected. I don’t know what I expected, but it’s better. Being the mother of boys is a beautiful and perfect and fulfilling and overwhelming love. And having a little girl is amazing too! It’s all just different and wonderful.
Now, when people tell me "You got your girl!" I choose to hear "Congrats on your new baby girl!"
To be transparent, I did pray for a girl. Every night. And I think it was meant to be, written-in-the stars for me. But, I also thank God every day for my BOYS and their boy love.
To end my rant, I wanted to say that I realize that I really must not have expressed enough BOY joy before having Kennedy and I have a lot of guilt and regret about that. I want to shout it from the roof tops- I LOVE having my boys and my girl! And God certainly knew what He was doing because my cup overflows.
Signing out,
Jen
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