Before My C-Section
Hi Friends,
It's days before my scheduled c-section. I've oscillated between lying in bed all day and frantically organizing the pantry or throwing stuff in boxes for Good Will. Why do I have a yellow polka dot bikini, Star Wars VHS tapes, and green high heels? I have tried to relax today, but I can't seem to. Then, a little while ago, I made the ridiculous decision to watch c-section deliveries on YouTube. Mommies to be, this will not help you fall asleep.
Most nights I try to turn my brain off so I won't think about my upcoming surgery and what could happen. So, I block out these thoughts with mindless perusing of Instagram. I sweep my right thumb down the feed or swipe and tap through Instastories. I add beautiful kitchens and living rooms to "collections" and rearrange the throw pillows on our couch. Just don't think about the hospital. Don't think about those weird forceps they will use to pry your baby out of you or the three adults it will take to pull her out of a 6 inch incision. Think about meal prepping and body after baby. Yes, that could take up hours of your time.
Indeed, my anxiety has gotten the best of me right now. However, I plan on giving all my attention to my boys this weekend and steering away from social media and "filler" activities. This is, after all, the last time it will just be the four of us. I want to exhaust myself with hugs and giggles and respond to every "Mom, look at this" and chaotic meltdown over Hulk, markers, and "my ball!" I want to kiss the boo-boos, play catch, and eat popsicles with my boys.
As I lay my head down to sleep, I will say my prayers and listen to the sleep meditation app on my phone. I will concentrate on my breathing and block thoughts of the impending surgery and pain. Because I know that there is a beautiful little girl waiting to be kissed and held by her mama, daddy, family, and friends-like-family.
I'll see you soon, Kennedy Grace. May you not be as crazy as your mother.
Love,
Mama
It's days before my scheduled c-section. I've oscillated between lying in bed all day and frantically organizing the pantry or throwing stuff in boxes for Good Will. Why do I have a yellow polka dot bikini, Star Wars VHS tapes, and green high heels? I have tried to relax today, but I can't seem to. Then, a little while ago, I made the ridiculous decision to watch c-section deliveries on YouTube. Mommies to be, this will not help you fall asleep.
Most nights I try to turn my brain off so I won't think about my upcoming surgery and what could happen. So, I block out these thoughts with mindless perusing of Instagram. I sweep my right thumb down the feed or swipe and tap through Instastories. I add beautiful kitchens and living rooms to "collections" and rearrange the throw pillows on our couch. Just don't think about the hospital. Don't think about those weird forceps they will use to pry your baby out of you or the three adults it will take to pull her out of a 6 inch incision. Think about meal prepping and body after baby. Yes, that could take up hours of your time.
Indeed, my anxiety has gotten the best of me right now. However, I plan on giving all my attention to my boys this weekend and steering away from social media and "filler" activities. This is, after all, the last time it will just be the four of us. I want to exhaust myself with hugs and giggles and respond to every "Mom, look at this" and chaotic meltdown over Hulk, markers, and "my ball!" I want to kiss the boo-boos, play catch, and eat popsicles with my boys.
As I lay my head down to sleep, I will say my prayers and listen to the sleep meditation app on my phone. I will concentrate on my breathing and block thoughts of the impending surgery and pain. Because I know that there is a beautiful little girl waiting to be kissed and held by her mama, daddy, family, and friends-like-family.
I'll see you soon, Kennedy Grace. May you not be as crazy as your mother.
Love,
Mama
I love your heart and your transparency. I will be praying for you this weekend as you focus on your little men and await your sweet daughter’s BIRTHday.
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